want out ;; [conall]

[SUNIL]

At least the days were getting cooler.

After nearly two years of living in this desert, Karin still had little patience for the scorching heat of mid-afternoon, when the sun’s rays reflected off the sand onto the various metallic surfaces of the city, and straight onto her. Her brows furrowed and she shrank back into a more substantial amount of shadow against the wall of the City, her eyes glancing casually around while the butcher in the small building beside her slaved away to clean off the small buck and a handful of rabbits she brought back from the morning’s hunt. Her work for the day was done already, as it often was. Her clientele for her profession made a point to avoid this ridiculous heat, so she was always out before dawn and back by noon with whatever she could find. Today was at least a little cooler than the days before it, but Karin still scowled all the same.

It did not take long for Karin to grow bored of standing in one place. The butcher would see to it that whatever good meat was there would be taken to dry and eventually serve to the city. Without another duty to attend to, she kicked off from the wall and headed off in a familiar direction: to the Arena. It was always nearly twice as hot in there as it was anywhere else in the City, and its circular shape killed any breezes from coming through, but she always made the sacrifice, and it never stopped being worthwhile. There was a familiar face there that she liked to pay a visit to every so often.

The Arena wasn’t far from the butcher’s hut, and before long, its towering stone stands rose above the buildings in front of it. She walked through the entrance, slipping past a small group that loitered there, and found herself at its heart within a minute. She paused there, in the shadow of the arch above her, and watched as she always did. The new recruits for the army were always stumbling about, always growing furious too quickly, and always threatening to give up and storm off. On those days, it was most interesting, when Karin found herself being the barrier between their demanding instructor and the exit. She never failed to force them back to their lessons, but today seemed too quiet for something of that nature to transpire.

Her golden eyes soon found their focus. It was the newfound Head of Caldo’s military that Karin was most interested in. The two short years had changed him, undoubtedly, down to his very appearance. He was too lean for it to be natural, and his playful side had all but died and had been buried with the dead of the Great War. Fond memories always came back to her, and a wistful scowl always came afterward. She missed him, truly, but she refused to give up on him for all the change that he’d gone through. Her stubborn nature simply wouldn’t allow it.

When one of their few, short breaks came along, Karin sidled up to him and gave him a gentle nudge with her shoulder. “Hey, Con.” she greeted him warmly as always. A small, fragile smile twitched at the corners of her lips, and she squinted while she scanned over the group of newest recruits. “How are these pups fairing today?” Karin was no warrior, but after attending training session after training session, and simply being an observer on the sidelines, she gained a fair set of knowledge on performance, and learned to pick out who was struggling and who was excelling. Of course, to Conall, no one performed quite as well as he would have liked.

[Conall]

It had started as a rather lovely day; compliant weather and few vassals. The latter was what he was most content with, seeing the vacuous domestics rarely failed to irritate him early in the morning. Conall did not appreciate availing servants floundering around him whilst he was trying to accomplish something useful, like getting dressed or eating – whatever were they doing standing around him all the time anyway, did they not have others to tend to, someone who enjoyed the pampering? Despite the fact that one could hardly call it a grave drawback, he had been deprived of many a private hour upon receiving the promotion to Military Head, however much he had implied he would prefer being left alone every so often.

It appeared he could harvest the previous day’s outburst. Though it had only lasted for a split second, there would surely be no disturbance for some time, and, of course, he would certainly savour this minor victory. Only a black mark to the left of his door indicated the incident had involved heath, one way or the other. The prosperity quickly faded, as he arrived to a freshly oxidized sword, which he quickly carried away to have fixed. Surely, it could not have been him that had done that? Too careful regarding his weapons to have them rusted. In all likelihood, some simpleton had borrowed it for a few careless strikes, only to place it back in the sheath stained. Not the blade was of any great importance, quite the opposite – he could have it replaced anytime. It was merely the act that chafed him. One did not loan equipment without permission simply by default, least of all his contraptions, no matter how standard and simple they might appear.

The ordeal passed painlessly, the lender scolded accordingly, but it all adjourned his plans, and before he knew it, he was instructing fledglings again. And was it just him, or were they more hopeless today than what was normal? The fatigue could be smelled from a distance, which did not improve the teacher’s tense mood. None seemed able to do as they were told. And Conall could be darned persuasive if he so wished. The largest setback with this particular kingdom and training their newest was the temperament, which overall were horribly unstable. Most older Warriors learnt to channel their rage and find outlets elsewhere, but fresh recruits had not mastered this art yet. As a result, half the day wasted to pitting powerhouses against one another, allowing them to settle trivial scores in the ring and keeping an eye on them so it did not go out of hand or extend outside of the arena.

Today, their leader was in a restrictive mood, not wanting to stroke them the right way and let them kid their way out of real work. Red eyes hard on their efforts, he shouted them through exercise after exercise, occasionally having to break up fights by delivering the hardest blow. When he had been their age, he had been of the same height as now yet decidedly more muscular, and none of these pups seemed to measure up. Not even now, when his slender silhouette showed equally as much bone as it did lean muscle. Never to be trifled with, looks were still deceptive. There was one in particular who had taken it upon himself to test all boundaries. Conall saw a painful amount of himself in the young one, which simply went to show how he would not have been able to stand himself at that age either.

Only when he waved his hand to initiate a break did he notice Karin observing from the sideline, and he said, voice slightly hoarse from instructing, “Break. Make good use of it.” Following them with his gaze, he decided on another action necessary. “Not you!” came the roar, eyes narrowing at the aforementioned obnoxious recruit. “Sit! Sit down!” When the command was not met immediately he started two threatening steps, an action that prompted a thud to the sand and the flash of fright. “You don’t deserve refreshment! Consider it training for when they deprive us of our drinking water.” In return he did not even get a scowl, for that his eyes were too vicious.

Averting his attention to the Hunter slinking up beside him, prompted by a nudge to the shoulder, his glower barely softened. It was a deep wish of his to return where they had once been, but lately he found it impossible to connect. “Hello Karin.” Though his expression did not show it, his voice took on a softer quality, gentle even. “They’re hopeless. This one particularly testing,” was the answer to her question, and he shot the scapegoat another glance. “I was set to have the more experienced today. That didn’t pan out.” Dragging a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath and relishing in the sun against his bare torso, her presence aided him in cooling down. “And you, what kill have you made?”

Platonic, was it not?

[SUNIL]

Conall was a harsh instructor; one would be a fool to deny it. Karin had heard the complaints, from the recruits themselves to concerned parents, when the latter was applicable. It was common knowledge amongst the Kingdom that Karin and Conall held a fondness for each other, so the assumption was always made that the Hunter would act as a middleman, but she always failed to pass them on to him. Though not as demanding as he, Karin still watched the new warriors with a scrutinizing gaze. Like Conall, she was all too aware of how direly Caldo needed a functional army. The lull of peace failed to fall on their shoulders, and the streams of ‘what ifs’ always came to mind. Another failure would be absolutely unacceptable. If it took a physical beating from an irritable Military Head, so be it.

But today, Conall seemed especially irritated, taking none of their nonsense and barking order after order. Karin had loosely crossed her arms in front of herself, taking note of a particular student who seemed to feel the need to test every command given to him. It made Conall furious, but it made a wry smile cross Karin’s lips. That had been Conall, once. Not all that long ago. The very notion seemed to infuriate Conall more, and after a certain provoking, the youth was on the ground and rigidly watching him with unmistakable fear in his eyes, his break denied to him for his misbehaviors.

Karin had expected no different when her greeting was met with an aggravated glower, yet he still managed to soften his tone when he returned the greeting. It usually took time to work out his aggressive kinks day after day; Karin was always prepared to start at square one again with the rising of the new sun. Had it not been for sheer stubbornness, perhaps she would have given up long ago, defeated by changes that could not be undone. The connection they had was still there, somewhere. She just had a difficult time digging it out. Conall seemed miles away from her, a brick wall of bitter resentment and stress preventing his shoulders from softening and his lips from smiling again in the ways they used to.

He voiced his disapproval like she knew he would, to which she only nodded in reply. New recruits were always the worst. They were unruly and disrespectful, untrained and unskilled. His exasperation was palpable, but Karin could do little to ease his burdens now. Only when he asked her of her morning chores did she respond with a wave of her hand in dismissal. “Oh, the usual unremarkable buck and a handful of rabbits. There aren’t any great finds in this unbearable heat, and I don’t blame them.” Her golden eyes flickered up to him briefly. “You should come some time. Take a day off. We could find ourselves a bear to hunt.” Not that a day off was any sort of likely with his calendar, but Karin could wish.

Karin held her breath a moment. She knew she shouldn’t bring it up… that she shouldn’t talk about it… that it would only aggravate him more, but the words still spilled from her lips all the same. “You could use the break, Con. It’s pretty obvious this new title of yours is becoming a bit too much.”

She regretted it the instant it came from her lips, but there was nothing she could do to take them back now.

[Conall]

“Unremarkable buck?” he commented, casting a sideways glance at her and allowing an eyebrow to inch upward. “Bucks tend towards remarkable, so this must have been a special kill. Unless it was a youngling.” Her next comment took him by surprise, as evident by the re-tensing of his shoulders. A day off to hunt bears? Two years ago he would have jumped on the opportunity. It really was a sad thing, how they were together now. Not that beholding them inspired despair or anything equally depressing. The knowledge of what they could be, that was the sad part. Having them reduced to platonic conversation regarding menial tasks was a pity; where they were once exchanging quick sentences with equally quick wit, they were now discussing the weather.

To the trained eye, there was still a discussion occurring on a bodily level, with expressions or movements hinting these two used to be more than merely acquaintances, tolerating each other solely out of Kingdom affiliation. And it was not that this connection was gone, nor was it severed forever. Conall had just… he had mangled it. Not that he was willing to admit to being the architect behind such an action. Saying that indicated a conscious decision, which was hardly the case. Saying he could not have prevented it, now that was a lie too. It was an undeniable fact he had altered since their first meeting, and not altogether for the better. Others had voiced their concern for him before, and to them he paid no heed – all his life people had attempted to reach him with wise words and genuine warmth, only to be brushed away by arrogance and independence.

Albeit wanting to, Conall was unsure if he could brush Karin away with quite the same vigour. But she did not stop with the offhand hunting-comment, and his jaw set. “It’s true I have more responsibilities now, but do not say that it’s too much for me.” The words practically leaked with honour and wounded pride, indicating an unwillingness to examine himself as of late. “We still have a lot to rebuild. It is not supposed to be an easy fix – it will be a laborious journey – but the groundwork has to be put forth.” Perhaps would he have been more easily persuaded in a different mind-set. Shaking his head, the next came in a mumble, “Why do people keep telling me this?”

[SUNIL]

The past two years had brought with them a medley of the most confusing of situations and changes. With war came the terrible blow of defeat, a retreat not a single person from the former Fire or Lightning tribes could have foreseen. With war came the deaths of thousands, thousands of friends and family members alike, and with retreat came Caldo. Karin had seen a countless number of people die; she herself had drawn arrows upon living people for the first time during those months. That was not the only experiences of firsts for her, however. It was during those bloody battles and sleepless nights that she first felt fear. Fear, not for herself, but for the safety of someone she deeply cared for. She hated the weakness that it brought to her, but for all the attempts to deny it, she was incapable of severing that emotion, that connection with someone other than herself.

These days, she was happier than she had ever been, in some ways. Karin never felt such dedication to her alliance before, and with the birth of Caldo came a new sense of determination, a new purpose to see the young Kingdom prosper and grow into what it was capable of becoming. But, in the midst of societal stability, amongst the busy hours and many changes, she saw Conall drifting away and could not prevent it. Now, these days, they only happened upon each other when she came to him, his schedule and the Kingdom’s demands of him were too great to grant him any true spare time. And even then, their conversations were often limited to mundane conversation lacking in any real substance, limited to the constant repetition of empty words.

Karin usually tried to curb her blunt and straightforward nature under these situations. Poking at embers could quickly cause a flare, and provoking Conall these days could easily cause an outburst. But today, whether it be the irritation from the heat or otherwise, the Hunter couldn’t quite grab hold of her stream of consciousness, and words she did not mean to so frankly state came blurting from her lips. The reaction was immediate. His jaw set rigid, and the emotion in his voice was nearly tangible. What caused her frown was not so much the words that came, but the sadness in his voice that they came with.

She let a little sigh pass through her lips. “No one doubts your ability, and no one thinks anyone could be better suited as Military Head; least of all me. You know that.” her voice came out scolding, more-so than she meant it to. “But even the Monarchs need a day to rest every once in a while. You can’t rebuild an army overnight, especially when you aren’t at your best.” Karin was growing steadily more defiant, and this time her goldenrod eyes stayed planted to his crimson ones. She had never been afraid to tell him what exactly what on her mind. Perhaps it was a skewed belief of hers that he would never hurt her when she told it like it was.

But she paused, and the boldness drifted away from her face. In its place came melancholy. “When was the last time you actually smiled? Or laughed?” she looked away from him again, her eyes tracing unseeingly across the expanse of empty stadium seats. “When was the last time we enjoyed each other’s company?” and her voice came out smaller than usual, for once revealing a glint of the hurt that lingered somewhere deep inside, a petty emotion she was always bent on concealing. But the vulnerability lasted only a second, and in its place flashed anger once more, and her eyes were back on him in a glare. “All the signs are pretty clear if you open your eyes, Con. Maybe you should quit letting yourself walk blindly.”

She had not meant for it to transpire this way. It was not in her frame of mind to approach him on an off day and goad him into new levels of rage and unhappiness, but her thin patience would not let her ignore another glower, another passive shrug, another avoidance of examining just what he had let himself become.

Not without putting up a fight.

[Conall]

Though the latter question was not meant to welcome a reply, it did seem an exasperated, resigned sentence. Had it emerged from one of his submissive peons, perhaps would sighs and whimpers follow the last words, the owner of the inquiry on the verge of falling apart. Conall’s choice of tone when uttering it, however, witnessed an individual everything but willing to give up what he was doing. It was apparent the voiced concerns of others vexed him more than making him feel appreciated; he was not one to welcome pity even if it was rooted in the most benign of intensions. His was the tone of stubbornness and arrogance, and those who did not know him better found these key traits of his. Admittedly they were, but there used to be more depth there.

Lately he had stayed in shallow waters.

If there was ever a person he could listen to, her name was Karin. Yet her attempts to soothe his simmering anger by pointing out none doubted his abilities fell on dead ears. Getting talked to as if he was a child caused him to pull his ears backward, a move infinitely more effective and conveying in wolf form. These small hints did not discourage her from fixing him with an intense stare, which he reciprocated tenfold. Was he a little brat being scolded by his chafed sister? “I’m well aware.” Icy now, the tone did not integrate well with his appearance, which was steaming. Feeling a slight tingle spread across his back, Conall closed his eyes a brief second and inhaled quickly, muscles bulging as if to contain whatever was stirring inside. There was never a good timing for a blackout, but this moment was an extremely bad one.

Her next questions brought him temporarily out of the fight, and for a moment his eyes fluttered open and met hers without the haze of misunderstanding or anger clouding them. It was the sincerity and hurt that seemed to strike a chord, and with mouth slacking open, searching for his voice, Conall tried to come up with a fitting reply. Flat-out answering would not do them justice, they were not questions requiring a simple timestamp. Before he could find it, she switched back again, prodding him in exactly the wrong place. Blinking, still mildly baffled, the confused emotion soon melted back into anger, his face hardening alongside his neck. However much he would have liked to pay proper attention, hearing the importance of her words, he had to contain himself not to roar again – at her, at the damned recruits, at the sun for being so hot, at the sand for getting in his ears, at the walls for keeping him in.

[SUNIL]

It was moments like these that made Karin kick herself, moments like these when she loathed the person she had allowed herself to become. She had always been independent for a reason, intelligent enough to keep the trifles of others out of her business. Karin was neither nurturing nor comforting by nature; she had little patience for people and only ever offered poor advice when it was asked of her. Situations that normally would draw empathy from a woman only made her angry, and when she did take a step towards showing concern, when her intentions were not heeded, anger became fury. What irritated her the most, however, was not that her voiced annoyance fell on deaf ears. It was that his failure to listen made her stomach churn and a lump rise in her throat, her fair eyes stinging while she glared at him.

Friction was met with friction, and she stared back at him hotly, despite the fact that Conall was obviously finding it harder and harder to control an oncoming blackout. There was a moment of pause, when Karin allowed just the fringes of her vulnerability past her lips, but his reaction was not enough of a comfort to her to keep her from reeling back into anger. There had been a fraction of a second, the very briefest of moments, where the connection they once had sparked back into his eyes. If that Conall was still in there somewhere, then why wouldn’t he come back to her? She wanted to hit him, to punch him or kick him or anything. Why was he so damn stubborn? Why wouldn’t he just let her help him see?

The connection was gone again in a flash, and sparks of tension were back between them. This time, however, Karin did not push herself any farther forward. She stared him down, watched his muscles tense and his face harden. For an extensive minute, she did not move, her own lithe body poised with her arms crossed tight over her chest as though she were cold, a frown breaking the line of her lips. It seemed as though she was prepared to stand there the rest of her life, if it meant Conall would be the one to back down first.

It was not for fear that Karin finally took a substantial step back away from Conall, though the dangerous spark in his eyes aided her in thinking of options more reasonable than provoking him further. No, it was more out of resignation that she removed herself from his immediate vicinity, another listless sigh escaping her as she gave up yet another battle to forcefully batter down the walls he’d built up. She forced herself to unclench and ran her fingers through her short, fair hair. “Just… forget I said anything.” she said flatly, and she made herself look away from him to conceal another wave of visible hurt that came to the surface of her eyes. “Forget all of it…” she repeated, her voice more far-off again and the end hung in the air as she failed to finish the phrase 'and us', though the words had crossed her mind mournfully. She squinted while the corners of her lips quavered, and her shoulders hunched as she turned entirely away from him, facing instead the scattered group of recruits who were curiously watching the exchange from the sidelines.

There was no sense in trying to break him, and she knew it, deep down. She could fight all she wanted; it never gained her any ground. It hadn’t so far, and it never would. “Your break’s over.” she reminded him over her shoulder, though she dared not look at him with such a fragile hold on the emotions that flooded her, both the rage and the desperation and the loathe for the absolute loss of control. She closed her eyes and reminded herself to breathe, but she did not move. She couldn’t bring herself to leave, even now. It would be the easiest thing to do, to walk right back out through the arch in which she came.

But she couldn’t do it.